#849 – Dick Bernard: A Family Story: A 50th Birthday, The Beatles Invasion, "Forever Young", and "The Station"

UPDATE: Here is a December 17, 2010, post which directly relates to the below.
Today, February 26, 2014, is son Tom’s 50th birthday, as well as my wife’s birthday, and a daughter-in-laws…and my Grandfather Bernard’s 144th. Saturday night, at another birthday party, daughter Joni took this picture of me with my 13-year old grandson, Spencer, who has that pride of catching up and now passing his still- 5’10 1/2″ Grandpa in height (you can “measure” us by the door frames behind us!). (The Facebook wags have had a bit of fun with the photo.)

Dick and Spencer, Feb. 22, 2014

Dick and Spencer, Feb. 22, 2014


Those who follow this blog know that what appears here is “potluck”. Since initiating this site five years ago, I’ve written about whatever happens to be of interest at the time.
From day to day, I don’t even know what my next topic might be, or even when.
Perhaps I might subtitle these “Thoughts Towards a Better World” with “Life Happens”.
So, in the last week or two, while the death of my 93-year old Aunt Edith on Feb 12 took precedence, other ‘side’ events diverted my attention.
During Aunt Edith’s last days, the daily CBS news was recalling the first visit to the U.S. (see “British Invasion” here) of the new phenom band from England, the Beatles, and their first appearance on the Ed Sullivan Show February 9, 1964, 50 years ago. Not long before that electrifying national event, I had first heard them on car radio, driving between Grand Forks ND and Hallock MN.
It is odd how this specific event sticks in my mind, but it does all these years later.
At the exact same time my wife, Barbara, was pregnant with Tom, our first and only child, who is 50 today, the Beatles made a triumphant appearance on U.S. shores.
Long ago, I gave Tom almost all of the photos I have of him from that era. Here is one of the very few I kept, this from the fall of 1964 in Elgin ND. Tom would have been about 9 months old, then. It appears we may have been watching a football game on television…. Either his Mom, Barbara, or I took the photo.
(click to enlarge all photos)
Tom Bernard Fall, 1964

Tom Bernard Fall, 1964


Of course, as everyone in our family knows, Barbara, then 21, had only a few months left to live, passing away of kidney disease July 24, 1965.
So, “Forever Young”, and “The Station”.
Another idol of mine, Bob Dylan, wrote and sang another anthem about living life which has gripped me over the years, Forever Young. (More about “Forever Young” from Pete Seeger and school children in his home town of Beacon NY, here. Pete was a year older than Aunt Edith, and passed away just days before her, January 27.)
Dylan composed that powerful song sometime when Tom was very young.
I also thought, today, about an old Ann Landers column I had first read in 1997, and saved, and saw again, and also saved, in 1999.
It is called “The Station”, and has some suggestions for living life along it’s road.
Here are the columns: The Station001 They are short and well worth the time.
So, farewell, Aunt Edith (and Pete Seeger), and Happy 50th Birthday, Tom.
It is a good time to reflect on the meaning of “Forever Young”, and of “The Station”.
August 2, 1995, at the Grand Tetons, from left, Flo Hedeen, Tom Bernard, Mary Maher, Dick Bernard, Vince Busch

August 2, 1995, at the Grand Tetons, from left, Flo Hedeen, Tom Bernard, Mary Maher, Dick Bernard, Vince Busch


On-site sketch of the Grand Tetons by Tom Bernard August 1, 1995

On-site sketch of the Grand Tetons by Tom Bernard August 1, 1995


POSTNOTE: Aunt Edith and Uncle Vince come from a farm family that loved music. And the February 15 funeral included several old standards, movingly sung by Norm and Sue Goehring. The Busch family loved music. So does son Tom, so do I.
Norm and Sue Goehring at Holy Rosary Catholic Church, LaMoure ND, Feb. 15, 2014

Norm and Sue Goehring at Holy Rosary Catholic Church, LaMoure ND, Feb. 15, 2014


Tom (at right) and fellow musicians, Denver, March 8, 1997, photo by Dick Bernard

Tom (at right) and fellow musicians, Denver, March 8, 1997, photo by Dick Bernard


Most of the Busch and Bernard families at the farm, June 1941

Most of the Busch and Bernard families at the farm, June 1941


Above is a family photo taken on Mothers Day, 1941, including both set of grandparents of Richard (the one year old in the photo), at the Berlin, North Dakota farm. From left, back row: Ferd and Rosa, Edith, Mary Busch, Lucina Pinkney (I think), Josephine, Henry Jr (“Boy”, my Dad), Esther and Henry Bernard, Duane Pinkney, Vincent Busch and unknown. At front Art Busch, Richard Bernard, and (I believe) two from one of the Berning families.
Only three survive at this date in 2014: myself (the one year old); Uncle Vincent, second from right, then 16, now 89; Vince’s cousin Melvin, next farm over, was then 13.
It occurred to me, when looking at the photo, that the oldest person in that photo, my Grandpa Bernard, next to my Dad (the tall man at center) was then 69, four years younger than I am now.
Life travels on.
Have a happy 50th birthday, Tom!
Dick, Tom and Barbara Bernard Summer 1964 Valley City ND

Dick, Tom and Barbara Bernard Summer 1964 Valley City ND


Dick and Barbara Bernard as Godparents, March, 1965, four months before Barbara's death.

Dick and Barbara Bernard as Godparents, March, 1965, four months before Barbara’s death.

#845 – Dick Bernard: Edith Busch, another reminder of the enduring value called "Community"

(click to enlarge photos)

The home where Edith was born and lived till she was 71, artist rendition by Karen West of Petaluma CA 1993

The home where Edith was born and lived till she was 71, artist rendition by Karen West of Petaluma CA 1993


Fr. John Kizito of St. Helena's at Ellendale ND presided at Edith's Funeral Mass.  Father Okafor was on retreat in Israel and could not attend.

Fr. John Kizito of St. Helena’s at Ellendale ND presided at Edith’s Funeral Mass. Father Okafor was on retreat in Israel and could not attend.


Yesterday was Aunt Edith’s funeral. My post on February 14 as preliminary is here. It was an inspiring two days. Seven of we nieces and nephews made it to LaMoure (and skated part of the way home afterwards!) and in all about 40 or so attended a most appropriate funeral, and a wonderful lunch followed, as always. Three of Edith’s nieces remembered how she impacted on them, individually, as a role model. For a sad occasion, nothing much could be better.
Our family is a far flung crew, so relatively few could make it back for Edith’s funeral.
My sister, Mary Ann, left a phone message from Vanuatu in the south Pacific, where she is serving in the Peace Corps.
Vince and Edith’s “double cousin”, Mel, who grew up next farm over, wrote from Eureka CA on funeral day, and summed things up well:
“Thanks for the update on the funeral plans. I hope that you realize that we could not attend due to time and distance , but my thoughts were there remembering the youth times of our lives and the great memories of that special time. I am sure that Vince will sorely miss the love of his sister for all of these years and [we] will keep both of them in our hearts and prayers.
As the passage of time is inevitable we will sometime all be together again. Of the original 21 young people reared in the old homestead, only 3 of us remain, Ruby, Vince and myself.”
Re “double cousins”: the “old homesteads” were adjoining farms, ten miles northwest of LaMoure. Brother and Sister Buschs and Sister and Brother Bernings in the country neighborhood between Cuba City and Sinsinawa WI married in 1905 and 1906 respectively, and took up farms very near each other. Thus all their kids were “double cousins’.
One of Mel’s nephews in Iowa, in another e-mail, described the close relationship well: “Regarding Edith’s photo in the obit … it was quite a shock to see it for all of us. She resembled our sister Marianne so much … Marianne passed away a few months ago at the age of 79.” Edith and Marianne’s mother, Lillian, were “double cousins”!
Below is my favorite photo of Aunt Edith with her sisters, in 1968, at her sister Florence’s farm near Dazey ND. There was a sixth sister, Verena, who died at age 15 in 1927. All of the five knew her as well. (There were three brothers, two younger than Edith). Bernings were similarly a family filled with girls, and only two boys. Another “double cousin” trait.
The Busch sisters summer, 1978.  Edith is second from right.

The Busch sisters summer, 1978. Edith is second from right.


Death is the great leveler. None of us escape. Funerals are reminders of deaths inevitability. They also remind us of coming together: community.
Twenty-one years ago we had a Berning-Busch family reunion at the Grand Rapids ND Park (a photo of most of us who came is below). You can find Edith in the front row towards the left; Vincent is near the back on the right side. Family members who look at this photo will find a great many pictures of people now deceased. It is a reminder that if you are thinking of doing a reunion, do it now.
The Berning-Busch Family Reunion, July 1993, at Grand Rapids ND Park

The Berning-Busch Family Reunion, July 1993, at Grand Rapids ND Park


But “community” is far more than just family. We all know this.
Friday night, Valentines Day, we arrived and gathered for dinner at 5:30 p.m. at LaMoure’s Centerfield Restaurant We had no reservations. No room at the inn, so to speak.
The hostess didn’t know us, asked why we were in town, “for Edith Busch’s funeral”, and said “wait a minute”. They set up a special table for 11 of us in the back of the restaurant.
I could relate many other similar happenings in these two days, and at other times, and so can you. A list would start with the personnel at St. Rose Care Center, and Rosewood Court, and Holy Rosary Church, but would go on and on.
In our polarized nation and world, where we are separated so often into competing “tribes” of all assorted kinds, the fact remains that we are really one community, and we never know when we will need that “other” who we choose not to associate with.
All best wishes, Vincent. Your sister, Edith, is at rest.
And if you’re ever in LaMoure, stop in at the Centerfield Restaurant, where hospitality is at home.
Centerfield Restaurant, LaMoure ND, February 14, 2014, 6 p.m.

Centerfield Restaurant, LaMoure ND, February 14, 2014, 6 p.m.


Wild Roses at corner of Hwy 13 at the road leading to the Busch farm home July 2013

Wild Roses at corner of Hwy 13 at the road leading to the Busch farm home July 2013


POSTNOTE:
The front page commentary of the Basilica of St. Mary newsletter this morning seems to fit the “community” theme: Basilica Welcome 2 16 14001. And Fr. Bauer’s commentary on the todays Gospel, Matthew 8:20-37, the business of laws and lives generally, seems to apply as well. I always hesitate to interpret others expressed thoughts, but will take the risk here. As I heard the gist of Fr. Bauer’s remarks, the Law is fine, but essential is one one lives in relation to others. So, he seemed to call into question anyone who has a pure idea of what is right, and what is not…. But that’s just my interpretation.

#843 – Dick Bernard: Valentine's Day 2014

(click to enlarge. Stella and Verena were on neighboring farms, perhaps first grade age, when this card was made and delivered about 1920 or so.)

Homemade Valentine from Stella to Verena Busch about 1920, ND.

Homemade Valentine from Stella to Verena Busch about 1920, ND.


Today is Valentine’s Day. I wish you a good day today. For us, life has other plans, and the dinner we’d planned to have at a local restaurant is replaced by an unplanned trip to LaMoure ND for the funeral, on Saturday, of my Aunt Edith Busch, who died at 93 early Wednesday morning.
Such is how life often goes, unplanned. Hard as we try to control things, things happen. Usually we dust ourselves off, and some semblance of normal reappears. For Edith, life’s troubles are behind. At the funeral, those of us in attendance will try to put ourselves in the shoes of Edith and her brother, Vincent, who occupied the same space with her for all of his 89 years, most of those years on the Pioneer Farm where their parents broke the first ground in 1905 (at top left of the below photo you can see a portion of Grandma and Grandpas wedding certificate, which still hangs on the farm house wall 99 years later.
Grandma Rosa and Uncle Fred married in rural Wisconsin near Dubuque IA, Feb 28, 1905, and within a month took the train out to their undeveloped piece of land in North Dakota. They were 25 and 21 respectively, so the hard work was an adventure of youth. Together they raised nine kids, all but one surviving to old age.
Daughter Verena died in 1927 at age 15 from a burst appendix. Edith was 7 and Vincent 2 at the time. This was a hugely traumatic life event for the Busch’s. When I was checking on burial plots in the country cemetery in nearby Berlin, I found that Grandma and Grandpa had purchased ten adjoining plots then, the first for Verena, later for the two of them, and the rest of their other children living at the time.
Edith, and sometime in the future Vince, will be the 4th and 5th occupants of the space at St. John’s Cemetery. All the other siblings are buried elsewhere.
Here’s the photo I’ve picked for this Valentine’s Day.
(click to enlarge photos)
Edith and Vincent Busch, December, 1996

Edith and Vincent Busch, December, 1996


(The photo is as photos were in the pre-digital age, when you didn’t waste film and didn’t know what you got till it was developed, and that included expressions. The photo was taken in December 1996. I picked this photo specifically because of the heart on Edith’s Christmas sweater. You can click to enlarge it. You’ll see it has an American Gothic kind of theme, appropriate to Edith and for this occasion.)
Their town, LaMoure, is a town of about 1000, like all small towns so familiar to me on the midwest prairie. Those of we nephews and nieces who can make it to the funeral will have dinner at the local restaurant, Centerfield, which is, true to it’s name, just beyond the center field fence of the local Baseball diamond. It is a nice restaurant, and it will probably be packed. Probably Uncle Vincent will join us, then we’ll go back to the Nursing Home with him to just sit and reminisce, and have some dessert, brought ‘potluck’ by the guests.
Then, the next morning we go across the street, literally, to Holy Rosary Catholic Church for the funeral; the Church Altar Society will have lunch and there will be more visiting, and back in the car for the 315 mile trip back – that is always the constant.
None of Vince’s close relatives live in the town, and he’s now the last sibling, and only one sibling spouse survives. His “children” are we nieces and nephews, far flung as we are from the area he’s lived his entire life.
Sometimes we don’t think about that. The St. Rose Nursing Home staff and the local LaMoure caring infrastructure now become Vince’s family for his difficult emotional times ahead. I’m grateful that Vince and Edith lived there, and previously at Rosewood Court Assisted Living next door.
Valentine’s Day is today. I can’t say that it is a “Happy” Valentine’s Day for us, but then it is a day for friends and family to gather and remember.
Farewell, Edith.
All best wishes, Vince, as a new time in your life begins.

#842 – Dick Bernard: An Evening with the Minnesota Orchestra at Orchestra Hall; and watching a family wind down….

The “filing cabinet” on the Minnesota Orchestra Lockout is here.
Thursday, February 11, 2014
We attended the first post-Lock Out Concert at Orchestra Hall on February 8, 2014. This was an evening of immense emotional energy, with the Orchestra led by the father of Orchestra Hall, Maestro-Emeritus Stanislaw Skrowaczewski. The entire program, eight pages, is here:MN Orch Feb 7-8 2014002 This concert, and the one to follow this weekend (we attend on Feb. 15) seem to be “bridge” concerts between the 488 day Lock Out and a to-be determined future of this “family”, which is the Orchestra Management (MOA), the Orchestra itself (including the Conductor), and we in the Audience.
The Minnesota Orchestra is the essence of the perfection of a team sport: excellent players, outstanding conductor and an engaged audience make the team. The team was cooking on Saturday night.
On Feb. 8 all was in resonance.
I hope the good feelings continue, but….
I didn’t write immediately after the concert as the last three days have been devoted to family matters in ND. My Aunt is, as I write, near death in a fine nursing home. She is 93. In the next room is her 89 year old brother. Neither ever married. They are the last living members of Grandma and Grandpa’s family of 9.
There’s was a musical family, as country families often were. Their Dad was a school-trained fiddler and had a small band for local dances. To this day, Vincent is an excellent singer. Many of the kids and descendants of my grandparents are musical.
For their entire lives until 2006 Vince and Edith lived and worked together on the pioneer farm built by their parents, and when heart problems ended the farm career for my Uncle in 2006, they moved into Assisted Living, and then into the Nursing Home in nearby LaMoure ND. [Note 9:20 a.m. Feb 12: Aunt Edith passed away at 1:05 a.m. The funeral is Saturday. We’ll have to miss the Saturday concert, 5th row center. Anyone interested in the tickets at cost? Inquiries welcome. dick_bernardATmeDOTcom.]
My Uncle and Aunt are very familiar people to me. Often I would spend a week or more at the farm in the summer, helping out with whatever.
They were like all families: connected, yet disconnected. They had different personalities and different skills and different interests. They had their resonances and dissonances.
In other words, they were like the rest of us, regardless of what relationship we might have with some significant other.
With all the magnificence of the evening inside the hall on Saturday night, my thoughts following the concert have more focused on what recovery from the long lockout will ultimately look like for the big “family” that is the Minnesota Orchestra community.
Most of us with any seniority in living a life in any “community”, be it marriage, employment, brother and sister (like Vince and Edith) etc., etc., have at one time or another experienced peaks and valleys. I don’t need to be specific. Think of some instance where you, personally, experienced some huge hurt, followed at some point, and for some reason, by reconciliation.
The reconciliation is its own temporary “high”.
But it is a very temporary high; and to maintain and rebuild and improve requires a huge amount of work and compromise by all parties to have any sense of permanence at all.
So it is going to be with the three-legged stool that is the Minnesota Orchestra: the musicians/conductor, the management, the audience.
If last weekend, and the coming one, are considered to be the end of the past, everyone is sadly mistaken. They are only the beginning of the beginning of a new era with the Orchestra, and everyone will be on edge as this progresses…or not.
There can be no “business as usual” if this enterprise is to succeed long term.

In Saturdays program booklet, I was most interested in the words on the “Welcome” page (page two), pretty obviously written by committee consensus, and I read with even more interest page seven, about Beethoven’s Eroica. Whoever chose Eroica to highlight the first concert back in Orchestra Hall probably chose this work intentionally. Read especially the second paragraph of the descriptor, and the last.
The power of the Minnesota Orchestra to come is going to depend on a true spirit of working together by all three legs of the stool: orchestra, management, audience.
We’ll see how it goes.
And Peace and Best Wishes to Aunt Edith, and to Uncle Vince, in this time of transition for them both.
(click to enlarge)

Uncle Vince "fiddles" with his Dad's farmhouse fiddle, Oct 1992.  Grandpa had a country band and learned violin by use of sheet music.

Uncle Vince “fiddles” with his Dad’s farmhouse fiddle, Oct 1992. Grandpa had a country band and learned violin by use of sheet music.


Aunt Edith's flowers August 1994

Aunt Edith’s flowers August 1994


The Busch family 1927 "PIE-ann-o" (Vincents pronunctiation) August 1998

The Busch family 1927 “PIE-ann-o” (Vincents pronunctiation) August 1998


Aunt Edith August 4, 1989, in the old farm house.  She is at peace: July 20, 1920 - February 12, 2014.

Aunt Edith August 4, 1989, in the old farm house. She is at peace: July 20, 1920 – February 12, 2014.

#839 – Dick Bernard: The First Day of Spring! "Jeans and Plaid"

For more years than I can remember, February 1 has always been my unofficial first day of spring. Yes, I know: Punxsutawney Phil (and Grafton Pete) have not yet even predicted the end of Winter, but no matter. After January leaves the territory, while there will be bad weather ahead, it doesn’t last as long and is never quite as bitterly cold.
February began with another funeral, this time for my wife’s long-time friend, “Cliff the Barber“, who died a few days ago from cancer.
It was the longest funeral service I’ve ever attended, but also one of the most festive and meaning-filled. The church was packed to standing room, and forever the theme of this funeral will be remembered: people, men, women and children, were asked to wear plaid & jeans, and they came through. The church was packed with plaid and jeans. And in the midst of sorrow, much joy. Cliff was a very special person.
(click to enlarge)

Before the service Feb. 1, 2014

Before the service Feb. 1, 2014


Everybody brings their own story to life’s table, and Cliff was no different. He was an ordinary guy who lived near his entire life in the east St. Paul neighborhood. He was one of those single chair barbers working for many years in his small shop at the corner of McKnight and Minnehaha just north of 3M.
“Pretentious” would not describe Cliff.
He was also a pretty fair neighborhood musician, for many years a staple with his guitar at Sunday services. The slide on the screen for much of the service was his guitar leaning against a wall.
Cliff's guitar, Feb. 1, 2014

Cliff’s guitar, Feb. 1, 2014


During the service and at the end, a pretty good bunch of musicians, “Blue Grass Friends” brought both music and joy to the memorial.
Blue Grass Friends, Feb 1, 2014

Blue Grass Friends, Feb 1, 2014


In a sense, this week, the end of my winter, and the beginning of my spring, has been full of music.
On Monday, legend Pete Seeger passed away.
Just yesterday, local legend Larry Long wrote a tribute in the Minneapolis Star Tribune to Pete Seeger.
In part Long said this about Seeger: “He carried the memories of the people in the songs he wrote, the songs he sang, the stories he told and the decisions he made daily to stand for justice from wherever he stood.”
I think that there was no real difference between Seeger and Gebhard and Long. In their individual and unique ways they brightened (and brighten) the world around them.
Service over, we joined the long line to get Brats and Kraut and Beans in honor of an ordinary man, and in honor, in effect, of us all.
At the back of the room, difficult to hear above the chatter, was a blue grass jam session a-going.
At Cliff's lunch....

At Cliff’s lunch….


Welcome to Spring!
Cliff's former barber shop at northwest corner of McKnight and Minnehaha, St. Paul MN.  It's now owned by the beauty salon next door.  Note sign in the window.

Cliff’s former barber shop at northwest corner of McKnight and Minnehaha, St. Paul MN. It’s now owned by the beauty salon next door. Note sign in the window.


Directly related to Cliff and family: here

#837 – Peter Barus Remembers Meeting Pete Seeger, Twice

NOTE: Icon folk song composer and singer Pete Seeger passed away Monday at 94. For a common persons selection of Pete Seeger on film, check YouTube here
Your own personal recollections and Comments about Pete Seeger are solicited.
Peter Barus writes from Vermont Jan. 28:
Dick,
Pete Seeger is gone.
Here’s something I wrote when the issue was the Nobel Peace Prize (Jan 17, 2009).
The local radio station is devoting the whole day to remembering Pete, along with some big names, friends and neighbors, and family.
The world is a different shape now, without him.
Love
Peter
————-
If anyone ever deserved the highest awards for encouraging peace and justice in this world, Pete Seeger does, and many times over.
He has lived a lifetime of commitment to the great family of humanity and a world that works for all of us, with nobody left out. He has worked at this alone, when not too many people were watching, as well as in groups and teams and movements of people.
The last time I met Pete Seeger was in Nigeria, in 1963. This was one of those times when he was single handedly transforming the world, standing up before a crowd of strangers, in a strange land, and doing what he always does: bringing every single person into the full presence of their membership in the human race.
My father and mother and younger brother and I were on a little vacation from our then-home in Northern Nigeria, where Dad held an Exchange Professorship in Electrical Engineering at Amadu Bello University in Zaria. Nigeria had been “independent” for about four years. We drove into Benin City in our Ford Taurus, sort of like a ’56 Ford, but with less fins. The steering wheel was on the right, this being an erstwhile Crown Colony. Benin was not yet caught up in the throes of revolutionary war, as it would be the next year.
We stopped at a “rest house,” the usual name for a hotel in that time and place. They had a bar and a full-service entertainment establishment next door, if not actually in the hotel itself. The women hooted at me, a skinny white foreigner of sixteen, in a parody of flirtation, to see if I would blush, and laughed hilariously when I did.
That evening we all trooped down to the bar to see if there was something to eat, not to mention some Star beer for Dad. The joint was jumping. A happy crowd filled every corner of the hot, dim room. And there, in one corner, next to some French doors to a verandah out back, was Pete Seeger, banjo and all. He was sweating profusely, as always, and singing at the top of his lungs, whanging on the banjo. The crowd was entranced, enraptured. Joy was in the air. Pete taught them “This Land Is Your Land,” with local modifications for “From California, To the New York Island,” substituting some prominent landmarks.
Many in his audience could not speak English, but few seemed to care what the words to Pete’s songs were; they were soaking up the meaning through his infectious personality. When a break finally came, Pete went out the back door, and everybody politely let him have a little breathing room. So I went out there too. I had talked with him before, when I was about ten years old, fascinated with banjos, when he came to the college town I grew up in.
Pete was very tall, and gracious and kind. I mentioned a friend or two who knew him better than I, and he was pleased to hear of them. I felt that he actually remembered me, a small boy with big round eyes in a small college town where he performed sometimes. Back then, if I remember right, he was in the middle of a battle with HUAC, the so ironically-named House Un-American Activities Committee. When asked what he did for a living he had said: “I pick banjos.” McCarthy had asked him disdainfully, “And where do you pick these banjos?” What else could he have said? “Off banjo trees?”
Exotic creatures stirred in the grasses beyond the light of the verandah where we stood. Pete tuned up his famous long-necked banjo, the one with several extra notes below the usual range of the 5-string banjo, added to accommodate the key a crowd wants to sing in. He said “Take it easy, but take it,” and he went back into the raucous, happy crowd to sing them into a state of wondrous community with the whole world.
I have to say that my life’s course changed as a result of meeting Pete Seeger. I’ve always felt he was a special friend, though I only met him a couple of times. I emulated him in both his philosophy and chosen profession. This has given me a certain view of what it takes to do what he does. The memory of him and that crowd of people, who could not have been more exotic to each other, in songs of human possibility, has stuck with me for more than forty years, and inspires me today.
COMMENT:
from Mike R, Jan 29: I was in high school when the Weavers were most popular, and I was a fan like most NYC kids my age. There were folk song concerts all over the city, lots of places for folk and square dancing. Later on I became aware of Pete Seeger as a solo artist and a fan of his. When he toured in the 70’s and 80’s with Arlo Guthrie Pat and I saw him at Orchestra Hall.
His artistry was, as always, unique and he had the audience in his hands from his first song. He was known for “This Land is Your Land,” but I liked “Guantanamera” (a Cuban song) best.
He was part of my youth and I will miss him for his music and his humanity.

#829 – Dick Bernard: "Return to Civility"

In my little corner of the universe, two topics dominated last week: 1) the 50th anniversary of President Johnson’s “War on Poverty” speech (Jan 8, 1964); and 2) Gov Chris Christie’s situation in New Jersey (top headline on front page of USA Today one day last week: “I am not a bully”).
Neither poverty nor bully-ness is over in this country, but as things go, the news will soon be on to other daily outrages: that seems to be what the term “newsworthy” means these days.
Meanwhile…
Early last week I happened to notice a little book in my office:
Return to Civility001
I’ve had Return to Civility for a long while (copyright 2007), and it’s a collection of tiny pieces of advice to make our world, close by and everywhere, a better place, through our own actions.
I picked up the book, and the first page I came to is the one which follows. It struck me because recently a good friend had complained about a picture I’d taken at a funeral, and published as part of a previous blog post. It was nothing to be (in my opinion) offended about: just a picture of some people, including my friend, all perfectly respectable, none labeled in any way, just part of a group of folks at a funeral. It was the first time I’d heard the complaint, and told my friend that. But…there it was as a piece of advice about returning to Civility*.
(click to enlarge)
Return to Civility002
The original Return to Civility was co-authored by 16 staff members of the well known Brave New Workshop in Minneapolis MN.
Every piece of advice is simple, yet profound: just flipped to #111, “Learn when to keep quiet”. Then #214, “Stick to general, uncontroversial topics early in a conversation.” For the 14th day of 2014, “Don’t answer your phone if you’re engaged in conversation with someone.”
The rules are only suggestions, of course, and as with the conversation about the photograph at the funeral, not always clear and precise.
Nonetheless, if we are ever going to get past the dominance of Bully-ness in leadership (I’ve heard it called “country club behavior” by someone else, who knew what he was talking about), we’re going to have to take the idea to heart, call people on inappropriate behavior, and as is common policy in our schools (Bullied MSBA Journal)001, to take the issue of bullying on – yes, in a civil way!
* – Given the same circumstances, I’d probably take the same action – the photographs – again. Indeed I have, subsequently. But the complaint did cause me to give thought to the entire process of complexity of relationships in this ever-more exposed society of ours.
Related post here.

#825 – Dick Bernard: A Time to Go.

Yesterday, I attended my first funeral of the New Year. Tom was a member of one of my “families”: head usher for one of the other teams at 9:30 Mass. I did not know Tom well, but he was a good guy, and he was, as I say, “family”.
It was important to attend.
(click to enlarge)

Jan. 4, 2013, Basilica of St. Mary, Minneapolis MN

Jan. 4, 2013, Basilica of St. Mary, Minneapolis MN


I am at the age where this kind of occasion will be common this year. Death will choose who, how and when…. There will be different names for the event, as “memorial service” or the like; and they will be in differing settings.
Tom was about eight years older than I am; most of the observances I’ve attended or acknowledged have been for persons younger than I am.
These events are really for the living, all of us heading for this destination, however we try to slow it down, or avoid it altogether, or be “forever young” as some TV ads promote.
We’re all on the same train, with the same destination – only at different times, perhaps different circumstances. “You can’t take it with you” comes to mind.
In Tom’s case, there were a goodly number of family and friends in attendance at the Church.
And the eulogies were, as they always seem to be, instructive to those sitting and listening; and entertaining too….
When it comes down to the last public appearance, attention seems drawn to the small things contributed by the deceased to the community, which usually centers, its seems, on “family”, a term with varying definitions.
Perhaps it is because I’ve rarely been to such services for the “high and mighty”, I don’t recall hearing tales at these events of acquiring great riches or “power” in some other context. Rather, more common is how this person or that was a contributor in some small way to the family circles of which he or she was part.
And, make no mistake, everyone has their story.
Some years ago, I came to be the representative of my brother-in-law, the unmarried last survivor of his family of origin. He and I were friends, though we lived over 300 miles apart and were in contact seldom. Ultimately his life went south; he lost his house, and then his mobility, and then lung cancer closed in for the kill…succeeding November 7, 2007, age 60.
Mike was a person who, in most of his adult life, would be considered the odd person in his town. He mused about where it would be best to be homeless. He had no friends, to my knowledge. I was about all he had.
When death circled ever closer, and Mike gave me power of attorney, I inquired of the local funeral home as to whether Mike had any final requests on file with them. They had handled his mothers funeral in 1999.
They sent me a brief letter from Mike, dated March 19, 2001, in which he said this: “…I have decided that I would like to be cremated. As for the ashes, maybe you could bury them between my mother and brother’s graves…As far as any funeral service, that would be nice. However, I doubt if I would have more than two or three people attending. I guess I am kind of a lone wolf….”
Mike got his wish, and he wasn’t far off in his prediction. As I recall there were about seven of us at graveside when his ashes were buried on a chilly afternoon near Thanksgiving 2007.
One of the seven at graveside was one of the teachers, now very elderly and frail, who Mike had had in high school (class of 1965). She made a point of complimenting him as a good student. Her biggest compliment to him was that she showed up on a very chilly late November day to recognize that he had lived.
A couple of weeks after his death, the residents at his final home, New Horizons Manor in Fargo, met to recognize his life. There were probably 30 or more in attendance, mostly elderly or severely disabled. Few knew him. He had lived there only a short while, to the end, a “lone wolf”.
But his was one of the most wonderful memorial services I have ever attended.
We are born and then we die.
In between is “life” and in the end, it seems to me, all that really matters are the small things, the things of supposedly no consequence, that are remembered at rituals of departure.
Tom and friends, October 6, 2013

Tom and friends, October 6, 2013


POSTNOTE: A book (and movie) that I highly recommend: The Book Thief, narrated by Death, see here and here.

#823 – Dick Bernard: Beginning a New Year: A Gift to the Musicians of the Minnesota Orchestra from a friend in Albuquerque

(See text below; click to enlarge.)

Orchestra by Sandra Ohlgren, 2013

Orchestra by Sandra Ohlgren, 2013


My good friend, Sandy Ohlgren, has lived for many years in New Mexico, and I knew from occasional correspondence that she was part of an artists group which recently had a successful showing in Albuquerque. She is on my mailing list for items about the Minnesota Orchestra.
A few days ago she sent me a simple phone-scan of one of her works, which appears above and was inspired by the musicians of the Minnesota Orchestra and those who support them.
Sandy has more than ordinary familiarity with the Orchestra from many years residence in the Twin Cities.
The work of art speaks for itself, and is thus presented without comment.
It is shared with Sandy’s permission.
Let’s work together for a great New Year in music with the Minnesota Orchestra.
The Musicians website is here.
The Outside the Walls Minnesota Orchestra “filing cabinet” is here.

#821 – Dick Bernard: A thought to help make a Happier New Year in 2014

My friend, Bruce, following up on the December 29 post on the Homeless Guy sent along a note with his own link earlier this evening, a “pay it forward” story: “It’s better to give than receive” here.
It’s a neat story.
About the same time, Molly sent along a neat Australian “flash mob” video, saying “oh I do love flashmobs, and, don’t miss the little boy at the end (watch ’till the final credits pop up). Enjoy, and a Happy New Year!”
And to you, too, all of you. Happy New Year.
I wrote back to Bruce that his piece reminded me of an incident I had experienced on Christmas eve a week ago at the local car wash here in Woodbury.
It was a terrible day to get a car wash, with snow accurately predicted for the next day, but I had finally reached my own limit on how dirty and for how long I could stand my little car without at least having a rinse.
So, I got in the very short line at the car wash I normally use. This would be easy: I had one coupon left. And all I had to do was to wait for the black SUV in front of me to finish its own wash.
I did as I normally do, but this time the check in pad gave odd instructions which I hadn’t seen before. I thought there was a malfunction. When the SUV finally pulled out, the auto-voice told me to drive ahead, and wouldn’t accept my punched in password or coins.
I was thinking that, for sure, I would end up stranded inside the car wash. The doors would close, and nothing would work.
Voila, I got the car wash for free.
The only logical reason for the freebie was that whoever was ahead of me had paid for my wash – sort of an early Christmas present from a stranger.
It was, certainly, a small deal. Just a tiny act of unnecessary and unexpected kindness.
The happening has stuck in my mind, along with the other extra small kindnesses that seem to happen a bit more often during this season than as a matter of course.
After reading the link, I wrote back to Bruce, as follows: “Neat story, and it’s true. It has occurred to me (may end up a year-end blog) that if each of us did, each day, a single unnecessary kind thing for somebody else, the country would be a different place.
I didn’t relate to Bruce my own ‘trigger incident’, the one I’ve just described, that led to my observation.
So, in a few hours a new year starts here. And my simple proposal is to consider doing something unnecessary and nice to/for someone who’ll not be able to pay you back.
It doesn’t have to be a big deal thing: most any little thing will do in this too stressful world in which we live.
Nobodies keeping score.
Have a great New Year.
COMMENTS:
from Lydia, Jan. 1
:
Wonderful story of “pay it forward” man pretending to be homeless. It was a few years ago that one heard of (or saw a button proclaiming) “Random Acts of Kindness & Senseless Beauty”.. How would the U.S. be transformed by more acts such as these? if nothing else, a person doing these acts is changed.
Thanks for the reminder!
Lydia